So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
