did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize