Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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