arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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