1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
