Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
