I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
