I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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