Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
