the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
