walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
