I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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