What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
