She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
