He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
