He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
