:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
