You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
