I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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