we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
