Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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