My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
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They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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