I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize