I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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