I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
