my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
