Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I fill condoms, not promises.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize