i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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