tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
