Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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