Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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