u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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