the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
