You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Please don't give away my fajitas
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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