carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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