Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
