I cannot find my penis.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize