Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
