when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Less talking, more tequila
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
