and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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