My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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