Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
