Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
