it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
