I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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