Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
