i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
