When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
