Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
