Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
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This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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