Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
