I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
