My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
