I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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