I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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