I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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