seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
