I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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