I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
