Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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